Narratives | Dear Mom

Lucia Tran May 4, 2015

Mothers are often the unsung heroes for every child's accomplishments, for every child's knowledge of right and wrong, and especially for every child's love and kindness. Whether or not they are still here with us today, we want to make sure our mothers know something: among all the wrongs, there has been so much right. Our love for you is enormous, and we can't thank you enough for the sacrifices you've made.

Joining us are beautiful memories about individual mothers and motherhood itself (Mother's Day is on May 10th, 2015).

Elle Rowley, Solly Baby Wrap

Our home was old and its bright green shag carpet, among other things, was a little bit embarrassing to my 13-year-old insecurities. But, it was our home. It was the first home my mom was able to purchase after the divorce, the divorce that left my mother alone with five of her seven children still at home. It was so much better than all the dirty and roach-infested homes we’d lived in before, so I loved it anyway. Its charm was a huge window in the living room that overlooked a farm. It stretched out to Antelope Island, a little hilly island on the Great Salt Lake. Every evening as the sun would start to fall behind that island, the sunset would light up the sky like a painting. My mother would frantically call out, “Sunset alert! Sunset alert!”. Every time like it was the first time. We would gather around her on the sofa and watch the colors continue to change and morph until the sun would disappear altogether. That is my mother. Always looking past the struggle, the pain, and even the shag carpet, just to see the beauty of the day.

Garrett Clayton, "Teen Beach Movie 2"

When I first spoke to my mom about wanting to be an actor, she was the person who clued me in to the reality of the situation. She said, "If you get your grades up, and keep them up, I'll help you get into acting. Make sure this is something you really want, because it will be years before anything happens." After I went about getting my grades up, she got me a meeting with an agent in Chicago and a meeting with an agent in Detroit (my hometown). From that point on, it was me and my mom taking Greyhounds back and forth for years. She taught me what it means to really want something and have to work for it; nothing worthwhile in life is handed to you.

Cassie Scerbo, "Sharknado 3"

Mom, words could never describe what you mean to me, but I hope this letter does it some justice. Your selflessness as a mother is such an extraordinary gift to my life and an example of what I hope to be for my kids one day. Not only have you been to every dance class and recital, soccer game, baseball game, football game, school event, and so forth for Alaina, Johnny, and myself, but you gave up your whole life for my dreams when I was only 14-years-old. I'll never forget that first pilot season when we flew out here to Los Angeles and all the memories that came with it. I could never thank you enough. I'll always treasure how much you believed in me and still do. You have never failed me, never let me down, and your unconditional love truly means the universe to me. Thank you for always being there at any second of any day. You're my right hand woman and I'd be completely lost without you! I am the woman I am today because of you. I love you beyond anything measurable (and your cooking!). Happy Mother's Day to my best friend in the whole wide world! Ti amo!

Christian Oliver, "Sense8"

Mom, when I was a young boy, you took me and my sister to South Africa with money and secret letters sewn into our clothes to help the fight against Apartheid. A little later we climbed the pyramids in Egypt, where Dad and I had to fight off locals who wanted to trade you and my sister for camels. We went camping in Tahiti, celebrated your 50th birthday in India, and jumped out of an airplane together when you were almost 60. And never will I forget sitting in the middle of a gorilla family in Rwanda, long before it became a tourist attraction. Thank you for showing me the world and for teaching me to always be open to new people and cultures. Now I am a parent myself and about to plan the first trips with my little girls, I cannot wait to hear your ideas.

Tina Huang, "Rizzoli & Isles"

My mother is my hero. She was an immigrant who climbed to success and was proud that she had done so “with broken English.” She worked hard, became a shrewd business person, often working two jobs, yet still made it a priority to watch her three rambunctious kids fall asleep every night. At 52, she was diagnosed with atypical Parkinson’s Disease. She dealt with her rapid decline gracefully. She found moments to laugh and smile even through intense physical pain. She was practical and readied her finances for end of life and still took the time to stroke my hair, tell me that life was short, and that it was important to work diligently but not too hard as you cannot take money to the grave. As she became more disabled and lost her ability to speak, she continued to smile and light up when I was with her. At one point she said, “I am your baby.” I replied, “You’re my mom. You've earned that title.” She passed away December 2014 at 64-years-old. We brought her ashes home on Christmas Eve. She never gave up, never felt sorry for herself, and taught me about love.

Richie Roman

When I think of my mother’s parenting style, the only word that comes to mind is ‘fun.’ My mother had three boys by the age of 21: my brother Ramon, myself, and my twin brother Ricky. I remember there was always laughter in our homes; whether we lived out of our car, which we did for a period of time, or lived in a brand new and beautifully decorated home. Once we came home from school and the living room was decorated like a campground with sleeping bags, lanterns, and board games. We had the best weekend "roughing it,” only to find out our power had been disconnected and wouldn't be back on until Monday. That's proves her amazingness. She taught me that even when all of the chips are down and you think you have nothing left, you can still laugh through it and make it better tomorrow.

Lindsey Morgan, "The 100"

I am beyond lucky to say that my childhood was an extremely happy one and I know I have my mother to thank for that. When I was in the fourth grade, my parents, like so many others, decided to get a divorce. My father remarried and moved across the country with his new family. That Christmas, my brother and I ran down to the tree to find all the presents were missing except for a small envelope had contained a clue detailing a scavenger hunt for our gifts! My mother is extremely creative and needless to say, we had a blast searching and this became our new family tradition each year. And it was not until I was much older that I realized my mother wanted to distract us from our father’s absence during the holidays. She always made sacrifices for our happiness. As an adult, I am only beginning to recognize and truly appreciate her for being a strong, beautiful, and loving woman. I hope to be at least 1/10th of the woman she is when I am a mother.

Kristina Meltzer, 100 Layer Cake

Becoming a mother was the single most transformative experience of my life. In the hours and days after my first son was born five years ago, I felt not only the most intense, protective, all-consuming, and gut-wrenching love that I had ever known. There was also a complete shift in how I experienced the world. It was wild, amazing, and scary, yet the most beautiful, enduring change of perspective that I can imagine. It’s as if a new part of your being is born, along with your child. It’s so big. And to me, Mother’s Day is a celebration of that love between a mother and her children, whether they are still tiny or have children of their own. There is nothing like it in the world.

Cynthia Addai-Robinson, "Texas Rising"

My mom doesn't play a superhero on TV, but she is my true superhero and a hero to many others as well. I have grown up watching my mom in various roles: first as a nurse, second as a well-respected small business owner, and then in her next move as a philanthropic leader of causes close to her heart in her native country of Ghana. She is dedicated, selfless, and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She has always encouraged me to pursue my dreams and will always be my number one support. She is my role model not only for the fierce female characters that I play, but the woman I am today. Love you, mom!

Maria Canals-Barrera, "Cristela"

I've come to realize that there is no greater or important responsibility for a woman than being a good wife and mother. Think about the enormous influence a mom (and a dad, too) has on a child. A mother's love is a very specific thing. Deep in their heart, in their conscious and subconscious mind, and in their spirit, the love and security a child feels from their mother is vital to their well-being. I strive to be the best mom I can be and pray daily for the help and guidance to do so.

Photography by Roneil Chavez

Hair by Richie Roman

Makeup by Christina Asai and Jeanne San Diego

Production Assistant: Crystal Rivera

Narrative | A New World

Lucia Tran March 3, 2015

My name is Maria Confer. I’m a 32-year-old stay-at-home mama, erstwhile housewife, caretaker of a crazy chihuahua named Pip, ex-fashion blogger, and sometimes lifestyle blogger, with an addiction to ranch dressing and morning smoothies. I currently live in Minnesota with California dreams. This is the story of how I became an adoptive mama.

I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, during the eighties and nineties, with two loving parents and an older sister. My childhood was wonderful and simplistic. As a young child, before I started school, I enjoyed nothing more than spending hours swinging on the swing set in my backyard, digging in the dirt for bugs, and drawing endless pictures. When the weather kept me indoors, I enjoyed playing mama, which was a combination of taking care of my beloved baby doll Emily, and following my mom around the house and helping her clean. My mom taught me how to put a diaper on Emily, as well as feed her, bathe her, and dress her in pretty clothes. When my baby doll was napping, my mom and I would clean the house. These early years spent at home are not only some of my most cherished memories, but were also the foundation for my future. As the years went by, in a blur of school days, sports, and teenage angst, the one thing that always remained constant was that I knew when I grew up I wanted to be a stay-at-home mama. I knew I could have a career of any kind and that I would go off to college, and while there were times I might of entertained becoming a veterinarian, an entomologist, a fashion designer or a teacher, I knew deep down in my bones that my true calling was to be a mother

When I met my husband, Cole, in our first semester of college, we fell in love within a week and were engaged within a month. Mind you, we were only 18 and 19-years-old. When I look back and think about how incredibly young we were, I can’t help but laugh at our seriousness. But we knew what we wanted and went for it. While our friends were off attending rush week and endless keggers, we were going on picnics and spending hours dreaming about our future life together. Probably one of the first “big” talks that my husband and I had in our early relationship was the desire to have a family, and to stay at home and raise them. Why Cole didn’t go running for the hills, I’ll never know. But he got it and respected my dream. We married three years later, graduated from college, and moved to Boston. The first few years of our marriage were spent working hard just trying to make rent. We talked all the time about when we would start a family, how many kids we wanted and how we would raise them. Since we were 21 and 22 when we were married, we decided to wait a few years to start our family. We dreamed of having four children: two biological and two adopted. When the time came to start our family, we were oblivious to the harsh realities and long years that were ahead. The seven years that we hoped and prayed for a family were the making of our marriage. When you can stare infertility in the face and deal with the fact that you will never have a biological child, you discover truths about yourself and your partner that I believe will either make or break your relationship. As heartbreaking and gut-wrenching as those years were, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They made me realize how much I really did want to be a mama and the lengths I would go to make that happen. I found a strength I never knew I possessed and a husband that would go to hell and back with me. I believe those seven years were a training period, preparing me not only for becoming a mother, but, more importantly, for becoming an adoptive mother.

When the time was finally right to start our adoption journey, we went full steam ahead. I had met a wonderful new adoptive mama, also named Maria, on Instagram and asked her for some advice and words of wisdom. She told me about how her and her husband used an adoption consultant instead of going through an agency. She told me what a world of difference it made to their adoption journey. Cole and I signed up with Christian Adoption Consultants at the end of January. By the middle of March we had completed all of our home study paperwork, the physical exams, and the FBI background checks and fingerprints. We were ready to start meeting with the social worker. These steps may sound simple, but they were intense, scary, and overwhelming. The home study is the make or break of the adoption process. I had this irrational fear that something would go wrong and we wouldn’t be home-study-approved. There was even a strangely confusing hiccup when my fingerprints were rejected by the FBI. I thought for sure that someone had stolen my identity and they were going to send me to jail! Thankfully, I only had to go back to get my fingerprints redone. That hiccup alone pushed our home study back a few weeks. I was also terrified of meeting with our social worker. I worried about the visit to our home and the questions they would ask. It felt like an invasion of privacy. I’m just so thankful that we had an amazing social worker. She calmed my nerves and diminished my worries. She also became a wonderful source of advice and education. We were home study approved on May 9th, 2013. I told our consultant the amazing news, and that day she sent us three birth mother profiles. Our son’s birth mother was the second profile we received. I immediately felt a strong connection and called Cole at work. He agreed that she was everything we had hoped for in a birth mother. We gave the OK to our consultant and that same day, she shipped the family profile, the one she helped us create, overnight to Texas. On May 17th, we hopped on a plane to Paris. Cole had a conference and I tagged along. On May 20th, we found out we had been chosen. On May 25th, I turned 32. To say it was the best birthday I’ve ever had is a complete understatement. Our son Xavier, was born on June 10th in the great state of Texas. I was privileged to be in the room during his birth. It was a surreal moment, charged with big emotions and even bigger fears. We were even blessed with being able to spend the next three weeks getting to know Xavi’s birth family.

Xavi is beyond even my wildest dream. To put it simply, he takes my breath away. On a daily basis, I am overwhelmed with emotion. It seems impossible that he is my baby and I am his mother. I feel so incredibly blessed and thankful. When I stare into my son’s big brown eyes with his ridiculously long lashes, I know why I had to wait seven years, why I had to face all those dark moments, and why I had to struggle. It was so that I could see the light in his eyes, hold him in my arms and be his mother. It was meant to be. We were meant to be a family. I believe that fate brought my husband and me together and that the universe brought us our son.

Adoption is a tough journey. It’s exhausting, scary, expensive, and emotional. You need your eyes wide open, your head on straight, and your heart strong. You need to read, and then read some more. It’s not just about bringing a child into your life, but about changing your whole perspective of what family means and what it looks like. If you choose to become a transracial adoptive family, you’ll face many obstacles, misguided prejudices, rude questions and stares. You’ll have to grow thick skin and prepare yourself and your child for future difficulties. It might sound daunting or overwhelming, but it’s a choice that needs to come from both your head and your heart. Cole and I hope we are lucky enough to adopt again in the future. Adoption is challenging, but once you’re through the other side and blessed with a baby, you know each and every step was worth it.

Story by Maria Confer

Photography by Canary Grey (Issue 20)

Tova and Painter

Lucia Tran February 28, 2015

Tucked away from the loud bustling noises of Los Angeles is a warm oasis that is home to Tova and Painter, a mother and daughter who spend their days doing art, dancing, and constantly learning from each other. Like their home, Tova and Painter's spirit is nothing short of welcoming. We explore their grounds as Tova shares her experience as a mother and its continuous graces.

I am often overwhelmed with joy about being Painter Lily's mother. It is by far the hardest and most challenging thing I have ever done in my life, but the riches that come from it are truly treasures. She has provided a deep purpose and motivation in my life that will be matched by nothing, and the joy that swells in my heart when I see her smile, hear her laugh, or hold her tight is indescribable.

My mom blessed me with a rad unique name and I felt a real duty to give one to my child as well. I was on the look out for names and words that had deep meaning to me, and when I thought of Painter... it all clicked. I had severe dyslexia when I was a kid and art was the only thing that came naturally. It was my main source of self expression and communication in school; the only subject that I had confidence and strength in. So, the name Painter was born. I figured she would be the greatest piece I ever worked on.

I'm a really easy going person so my style reflects that: comfort with an underlying boho vibe. My best friend calls my style: art teacher chic. Painter has almost always dressed herself, and she has such a strong personality that I just let her do her thing, she's always mixing colors and patterns that end up being really awesome and unusual outfits that I couldn't put together if I tried. She's like my little Punky Bruster.

Every day, she surprises me with something. When she started school, I was shocked to find out math was her favorite subject since I'm terrible at it. Painter often surprises me with her observant nature, which I think most children possess. She also has a rather large vocabulary, which makes me giggle and/or stand I with disbelief at times. My mom always told me your children are you greatest teachers and she is so right. I have a tendency to not always speak up or assert myself, but Painter Lily has taught me the grace in doing this. She is such a strong-willed girl, and doesn't apologize for her opinion or feel guilty for knowing what she wants. By being who she is, I have learned that it is okay for me to be who I am, opinions and all.